Chapter 3: The experience of exile
Refugees who reach Britain, compared with those remaining in the camps in Sri Lanka, can perhaps be considered lucky: at least their physical distance from the conflict and chances of living a decent life are greater. Yet they too face problems and hardships which make this, in most cases, only a stop-gap solution. The problem causing most anguish, perhaps, is the difficulty of getting asylum, and the consequent insecurity and fear of being sent back. Statements like these were common:
• We are still on tenterhooks: any time a letter may come asking us to get back to Sri Lanka. We don’t have a proper stay – it’s a psychological problem.
• I’m still always scared of being sent back.
• I keep thinking I can be deported at any time. I can’t do any work or studying; I have no peace of mind.
But in some cases the fear was more acute:
• The reason why I don’t feel at home is because I don’t feel well at the moment, mentally or physically… After 1985 March, April – that was the beginning of my terror. Before that I felt well. Right now, the situation for me is like I’m at home and every time I see a car pass by, my heart starts beating. Every time a car parks outside my window, I just feel that somebody’s come to pick me up.